Caregiver stress, It’s for real!

Why does a daughter-in-law skydive out of a perfectly good airplane?
Sounds like the start to a really bad joke, doesn’t it?
The answer? "Because it is the opposite of 'sitting with grandma'"

My mom went skydiving for the first time as a way of dealing with the stress of caring for her mother-in-law with dementia.

What is caregiver stress exactly?

A caregiver is anyone who helps another person in need. A person in need might be an ill spouse or partner, a child with a disability, or an aging friend or relative.

Caring for elderly parents is challenging and can lead to caregiver stress, syndrome, or burnout, which can manifest as exhaustion, anger, or guilt from continuous care. Though not listed in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, many healthcare professionals recognize these terms.

What are some of the signs of Caregiver stress?

As a caregiver, focusing on your loved one may keep you from see how caregiving affects your own health and well-being. The signs of caregiver stress include:

• Feeling burdened or worrying all the time.
• Feeling tired often.
• Sleeping too much or not enough.
• Gaining or losing weight.
• Becoming easily irked or angry.
• Losing interest in activities you used to enjoy.
• Feeling sad.
• Having frequent headaches or other pains or health problems.
• Misusing alcohol or drugs, including prescription medicines.
• Missing your own medical appointments.

What are some of the causes of Caregiver stress?

• Role confusion: It can be difficult to separate the role of caregiver from the role as spouse, lover, child, friend or another close relationship.
• Unrealistic expectations: Many caregivers expect their care should have a positive effect on the health and happiness of the patient. While care helps maintain quality of life, it's important to have realistic expectations about progressive conditions. 
  This may or not be the case for patients suffering from a long, progressive diseases, such as Parkinson’s or Alzheimer’s.
• Lack of control: Lack of money, resources or skills to effectively plan, and manage their loved one’s care.
• Unreasonable demands: Some caregivers see providing care as their exclusive responsibility. Sometimes family members like siblings, adult children or the patient himself/herself may place unreasonable demands on the caregiver. This may be because other family members live far away or works long hours or has too many other responsibilities.
• Other factors: Many caregivers do not recognize when they are suffering burnout until their own health begins to fail.

Did you know that???

• 1 in 3 adults in the United States is an informal or family caregiver.
• In the past five years, over 40 million family caregivers provided 37 billion hours of care for loved ones.
• At least 20% of adult children are taking care of an older parent, and that number will only increase moving forward.
• That about 85% of family caregivers in the U.S. do not receive any respite care.
• The last phase of life is generally 4.5 to 5 years.

Those are some pretty heavy statistics. Is there something you can do to prevent Caregiver burnout? Yes! It takes a little forethought, but there are plenty of ways,

Now, can I get a little real with you? Even if you don’t think you are in burnout, if you are caring for another, and you’ve read this far I am going to assume that you a) probably are and may or may not be aware of it or b) headed that way and may or may not be aware of it.
So, can we, for a moment, go on that assumption and discuss some of the ways you can stop and reverse care burnout?

How can you manage caregiver stress?

Whenever I hear someone is a caregiver for a parent or spouse, my first advice is Don’t go at it alone. I get it, I tend to want to be a lone wolf, and not ask for help, but it’s NOT HEALTHY.

Here are some suggestions for managing caregiver stress

• Ask for and accept help. Make a list of ways in which others can help you. Then let them choose how to help. Ideas include taking regular walks with the person you care for, cooking a meal for yourself, and helping with medical appointments.
  • Can a sibling or grandchild come for a Saturday? Can a friend of your loved one come for a few hours in the afternoon? What about your church or your loved one’s church, or your house of worship? Is there a friend or volunteer who would be able to come to visit for a couple of hours?
• Focus on what you can do. At times, you might feel like you're not doing enough. But no one is a perfect caregiver. Believe that you're doing the best you can.
• Set goals you can reach. Break large tasks into smaller steps that you can do one at a time. Make lists of what's most important. Follow a daily routine. Say no to requests that are draining, such as hosting meals for holidays or other occasions.
• Get connected. Learn about caregiving resources in your area. There might be classes you can take. You might find caregiving services such as rides, meal delivery, or house cleaning.
• Join a support group. People in support groups know what you're dealing with. They can cheer you on and help you solve problems. A support group can also be a place to make new friends.
• Seek social support. Stay connected to family and friends who support you. Make time each week to visit with someone, even if it's just a walk or a quick cup of coffee.
  • Check with your local community center or senior center, which can be a great place for local resources and possible financial assistance through grants

• Take care of your health. Find ways to sleep better. Move more on most days, eat a healthy diet, and drink plenty of water.

  Many caregivers have trouble sleeping. Good sleep is important for health. If you have trouble getting a good night's sleep, talk to your health care professional.

• See your health care professional. Get the vaccines you need and regular health screenings. Tell your health care professional that you're a caregiver; they can be a great resource, especially doctors specializing in the geriatric population. Talk about worries or symptoms you have.

Respite care

It may be hard to leave your loved one in someone else's care. But taking a break can be one of the best things you do for yourself and the person you're caring for. Types of respite care include:

• In-home respite. Health care aides can come to your home to spend time with your loved one or give nursing services, or both.
  • Home Health Aids (like me) are highly trained and can help in a wide variety of ways. HHAs can help with activities of daily living like showering and dressing; they can also help with housekeeping or respite care. I would get cases from time to time for caregiver relief.  I would sit with the loved one while the caregiver gets out of the house for a little while. Go shopping, go to the library, take a class, it doesn’t matter, just get away, take time for yourself
• Adult care centers and programs. Daycare for older adults provides a variety of services. These can include activities, socialization, and games. In addition to meals or snacks, personal care, and medication administration 
• Short-term nursing homes. Some assisted living homes, memory care homes, and nursing homes accept people who need care for short stays while caregivers are away.
  • When I worked in an assisted living center, we would occasionally get a new resident in for just a week or so while the loved one had surgery or went out of town.

REMEMBER YOU DESERVE IT!! 

Even if you are not comfortable leaving your loved one, having someone (like a grandchild, neighbor, or friend) for your loved one to talk to while you get your chores done or have some quiet time to yourself can be a break, too!

A final thought

All in all, if you get nothing else out of this article, hear me when I tell you that 

YOU ARE WORTH IT. 

YOU are worth taking time to care for yourself, YOU WILL be a better caregiver ONLY if you care for yourself first.

Thank you to mayoclinic.org for contributing to this article

Questions

What is your biggest struggle as a caregiver?
Do you take time for yourself? Why or why not?
How do you plan on implementing just one of the suggestions?

Comment below